Never Perfect Heart Again

maybe some of u ppl who knows me would think im very

sam pat(38), very fan,

annoying at times, crazy, fierce, stupid n always looks happy..

but i doubt any of u had seen the real side of me,

even with my 'bestest' frenz,

i never really show the true me..

always faking some smile on to my bloodless white face..

i always believed in all fairy tales n love it so much...

but as time pass, i came to realise the real world isn't like tat...

i do not know why, how, n when did i started faking my self,

but i know that there was once i almost lost my true self..

im not kidding!!!

u may think tat how can u loose ur self,

well if u never experience u will never know..

now, to all my high school frenz,

i really love most of u guys alot,

although i may not mean anything to most of u guys,

but u guys really meant alot alot alot to me...

words cant really do justice on how i feel bout u guys,

but i really did treasure the time v had...

i know after leaving chs,

v would all walk our different ways..

that breaks me apart inside,

maybe i would never get to see some of u lovely ppl again...

now i wanna thank all my dearest frenzwho walk wit me through tis path...

1st of all, all my classmates who greatly supported me,

during class trip n class t...

i opologize as i kno the class t isn't tat nice,

n im very happy that all u guys,

28 of u ppl who supported me...im really very happpy n touched..

next my artie art frens...

TAM TAM CRAB, FISH. LAI LAI &GWENIE TOO TOO,

i really had so much fun there doin all crazy stuff together,

love u guys all so much,

futher on,

all the frens that will SAM PAT with me,

SI JUN, SHUK PUI, DARREN PIG, SHEN WEN, KIM N....

so many more,

u guys n ppl r lovely, im always happy around u ppl,

although some of u i just know for a year or less,

but i do really like having times with u..

then lastly, ppl who r always there when i ask for help,

first in line, TAM SHER REN,

KGAI TER DARLING, SHUN ZHI ZHI, YONGQING N REBECCA...

TAM is always there for me whenever i was loonely or burting inside

my LAO GONG is always there to encourage me n ever supportive of me,

I rmb when i was at the driving exams...

ZHI ZHI, although v may not speak much,n he says he's INTROVERT,

but he is a very nice n caring guy.

although he may look 'cool' n cold, but.......

as long as i know v r good frenz n i trust him too..

QING, he may seem moody always,

but actualy when he brigthen up,

he is an awesome guy to be around too.

finally, REBECCA,

altough she is not studying here anymore,

but she will always be willing to hear me talk n care bout me..

i really fell in love with high school bcause of u guys,

and i will never loose u all...

will u guys just allow me my selfishness,

u ppl mean so so so very much to me!!

PROM

PROM,

well, i tot it was pretty fun n everyone looked gorgeous!!!

i really had fun going crazy with my frenz,

n d dancing part was nice too!!!

pulling together all my frenz together, & dancing was fun!!!

although if u dunno how to dance, SO WHAT,

nobody cares much too.

Dancing was the best part of prom(for me),

although the feet really really hurt when jumping heels,

but wat is prom without dancing??

Its was really a wonderfull ending for my high school life,

but its wasn't tat perfect.

although i aldi knew it would end up this way,

but i was still hoping,

hoping maybe i got a chance.

And now i know im giving my self false hope.

because after high school,

the chances of me getting XX is like less then 8%.

so screw it la,

its was just a small chapter in my life,

although i may not forget the feeling that i couldn't get it

n it some how hurts in a way,

but i will still have to move on..

maybe someday

i will get something better then wat i wanted so badly now!!

that is why it was not a perfect ending for me,

but its ok, I GUESS,

at least i really had great great memorise with all my good frenz

& new frenz that I've made last two years..

Leaving all my frenz behind now kinda hard for me,

as i really did love them so much.

Flash Back!!!

today after school, damn gek account,

dont even know what i was doing in exam!!

then at bus stop while talking to my frenz,

i saw something horrible!!

I saw a little white kitten ran over by cars,

it vomit blood all over,

white fur turn all red!!!

it happen in a split second,

the poor helpless kitten, gone!!

and all i did was just stand there doing nothing!!

i feel so bad,

it was just like that saturday morning,

i dont think i would ever forget it.

my dog Coco...

gone too, and i wasn't by its side for the last few moments,

i thought it was ok, untill i came back from school activities..

i could never see it again..

at that time i was so helpless too...

its was always there for me when i was sad,

i would share my things with it,

and yet at its last moments i wasn't there for it!!

What a bad owner am I!!!

first day of spm

before spm, this was my life

100%-1%(busy studying)

first day of spm, this is my life

99%-5%

(dont care much bout BM)

estimating my life after second day,

94%-20%..

SPM so killing

day by day,

time pass by swiftly.

counting down till disaster meets me,

its slowly eating away my sanity.

the sky turns dark whenever i look outside,

thunder n lightning like a sign of warning.

though i feel the pressure within,

but im so lost n dont knnow where to begin.

looking at my books so blankly,

wondering what the hell is it saying.

thinking of the day i walk in,

the paper so white with no hand writing.

hope u people dun feel the same as me,

as SPM is arriving.

all the best to those sitting with me,

try ur best and spread your wings.

today, bcuz of class-t i had abit of misunderstanding with my frens..

i thought they did not support me,

they they so call me good frenz.

IM VERY SORRY SQUIKY N NICE...T_T

but i was truly dissapointed after i heared u sais that u guy did not want to buy it.

cuz i spend hours n days working on it.

listening to other ppl throwing their temper on me everytime.

sorry it's too late for me to change the design noe,

i cant do anything bout it cuz its too late!!

if u guys had juz told me a little earlier..

i know i said some mean words tat time, cuz i'm aldi exhuasted of it.

doin class-t & class trip the same time is really killing me!!!

i cant really concentrate on my studies & time is running out!!

i can feel the pressure on me aldi,

even my pimples are bursting out,

and i dont usually have them,

not till now..

i've screw up so many years of my exams,

& i dun hope to screw it up for the last time...

tat was why i did not have very good temper today!!

which i usually dun do that!!

IM TRULY SRY

SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRYSRY SRY SRY SRY SRY SRY

to both of u!!

i hope there r no hard felling between us!!

hope v still can have our toilet trips together!!!

MY DAYS WITH TAM

HEY THERE PITREE(well i think is like tat spell gua)

who cares!! haha

I saw ur blog d,

aww!!

so nice knowing tat

well maybe i never told u too,

but u n fish fish are my best frens!!

We've been to the same chinese tuition since primary

although i dint know u back then

cuz u were like those smarty pants at the back,

making hell lots of noise,

n i was sitting wit other ppl!! haha

And know at Mr Ho tuition,

when v go all crazy finding ans when he start asking ques..

i really like art class with u guys

its like the most fun time of the week.

!!!

AGREE??

talking crap together

singing lame old song,

taling bout kam mou,

n 1 more thing,

always thinking'SHIT later at goey its time to watch live XX again'

u get wat i mean ya..

haha

i really treasure my crabie,

cuz its big n fat,

n should be tasty too!!!

muahahaha

kidding..

i definately make our date to PASAR MALAM ok

then me, u n fish can go eat 'luk luk'

ok

LOVE U ALWAYS GIRL

n dun forget the times when v 'zhat' tat dumb dumb

LIVIA together ya!!

v should do tat more too

haahaa!!!

maybe v may go to the same college too...

but anyhow, I'll still see u at SS2 ya

MY SS2 BUDDY!!!

story of a BULL DOG

once i tot v were good frenz

i told it everything

i trusted it..

but as times goes by

i realize it treated me diff from other

i realize it comes to me when i was needed

but when i was not important

i was juz forgotten...

although sometimes it still cares for me a little

but compare to others

i realize my importance to her was juz like dust

till one day,

i finally had a little quarrel

n did not talk to it again

now only i dun look so transparent to it

although it still cant figure out wat had it done

to leave angry here so long,

but i will never tell it

till the day it figure it out it self

maybe i'll forgive it

but i think tat day will never come

so i my as well juz forget it

im sure i can find better n more loyal dogs out there

!!!

Moon Cake Festival

So sad, I dint play wit tang long tis year...T_T...

but it was not bad too la..

Me n my sister played candles out side the hse

at first v look kinda sesat,

2 girl sitting on the road side, putting the candles on the road.

then v saw a car pass by n the person inside was waving at us.

Then v thought who was tat WEIRDO..

v say our neighbour ,

a little gal in the hse playing too.

they were like so unfriendly,

we wanted to say Hi

but they never looked our way...

after tat, tat little girl ask her mum damn loud

"MUM DO U THINK THEY R FROM PUAY CHAI?"

she think we were some small girl like her..

damn fuuny, hard to discribe it..

later on,

my sis drove out n take us to MAC for ice-cream

then me n my bro belanja..

Life after last exam in class

today,wat did i do??

hmmmm...let me recall,

did i study??

NO

did i listen to teacher??

NO

did i sleep in class???

NO...

then wat did i do??

WASTE TIME...

I played, talk, do class-T,

cross puzzel, talk to my crab & walk around...

wat a waste of time..

should have just stayed at home

continue wit my sweet dreams..

ARHHH!!!

i wanna go out, buy some stuff..

but too bad!!

sob sob

Disappointing CLASS MATES i have

now is 4 in the morning.. I cant sleep!!!Very frus now..
Thinking of my class trip.. wat's the point of me working my head out helping my class organizing the stupid class trip when all my self fish class mates dont even give a bloody damn about it!!!!!!!!!!!!This does not apply to all of course..
Me n Fidella helping u guys plan tis class trip, WASTING all our time money calling n sending msg to u guys n is not like v get any privallage for being the host, but u guys r so so darn UNCOOPERATIVE..
I know is exam time, I can understand, but it is also exam time for me. dun u think u all r super super SELF FISH n CRUEL.. only thinking about ur self n leaving me here all alone!!!!!!!!
This class trip is not oni for me, dont u get it?? is for all of us..
there r some ppl tat i am very very very disappointed it.. all they do is just TALK BIG, talking their ass of, but when it comes to the real thingm they juz slip away like it never happened before. COME ON LA!!!! I tot v were class mates for 2 years, 2 YEARS u know.,,
now i know wat kind of friendship turns out after 2 missarable years..
How STUPID I feel for actually believing in u all so much...
I finally realize tat who r my true friends..
Its a waste of my TEARS if I cry over tis kind of friendship.
POINTLESS!!!
If u guys still dun cooperate wit me,dun blame me for throwing me temper at u all, u deserve it fairly for treating me like tat.. I may just even cancel tis whole trip without telling u.. and i wont feel a single giult in me because I've already did all I can but u guys take advantage out of me, trying, dont try to play games on me, I promise if i had enough of u one day, I'll just give it all back to u in silence n u may not even know wat hit u.
dun blame me for being cruel, is ur fault..
This is wat u get if u try to test me temper!!!

After ADD MATHS symtons

well this photo above may not be the real me.. I was force by the tw0 other evil classmate to do tis...T_T...

but tis is wat u get after add maths paper..

haha..

it was fun altough..

maybe some of u should try it too...

OMG... itt almost 2o'clock already...
gues what was i doing just now till now???
I was watching korea F4 pic on u tube...wakaka
I so deeply in love with KIM HYUN JOONG a.k.a Yun Ji Hoo sunbea in the show..
not to forget KIM BEOM a.k.a Yijoeng sunbea in the show...
got so many of their pictures...
See n SEE also cannot finish de...
if got a album just got thier pictures only i sure buy man...
hahaha
Well,
there is also LEE MIN HO & KIM JUN...
this two guys also look good but still i like KIM HYUN JOONG the best...
he got a band named ss501, n they will be coming to m'sia i think
cant wait to see him, if only i could go for his concert..
Hyun Joong n his ss501 members also quite funny...
If u dunno who am i talking about, go u tube & watch their advertisments or photo la,
Im quite sure that every girl who watch also will fall for at least ONE of them
their just so inresistable HOT & CUTE...
love them so much...

haha..
change hairstyle...kinna funny...
too long no fringe d...suddenly cut back like got something kacau my eyes in front...
omg, keeping fringe very hot ah...
gonna leave it long again,haha...
some ppl i looks like a kiddie with fringe, rrrr..
hope it can grow faster la...

cadet police masquerade party

Well, i would say its ok only, or kinna boring...
Half a time i was not in the hall...
the performance...
some were good, some were so sucky...
not fun...
OH YA..
The best mask award was terrible, the person who won the mask was like 'WHAT THE HACK'...
like tat oso can win..
but i ithink the way they jugde was stupid...
Overall, only the last performance was THE BEST...by s.s.Foo
damn yeng.. all his move, i dint kno he coulb dance so well wit tat noob face.. haha

Monday, 9.20p.m
Once, we were such great frenz...U were nice, cute, kinda good looking, smart n cared for me...
I tot that v could remain always as very good n close frenz...
Although I wont deny tat i had fallen for u once, but it was now the pass...
Although I cant really walk out of the shadow u once left behind,
Although I hope I had never fallen for u,
Although I now it still hurts me deeply juz by taking a glance of u,
Although ur attitude to me has chenga completely,
Although we dun talk anymore,
and Although I dun know why r u treating me tat way..
despite all those 'ALTHOUGH' I still rea,y hope tat v could return to wat v use to be...
I, for now do not like u anymore, i juz hope tat v can be best frenz, telling each other secrets, cheering each other up when who ever is down n so on...
That is all i wish for....

today KRS interview...
I dunno why i dint feel very happy today, it was like something was stuck inside my head.
I dunno wat was it, but i could not get it out.
Untill now, i still dont think I've made the right decesion.
sure if i did get wat i could get i wont think tis way, but becuase of XXX only looking on our ranking by giving post & not our ability tat's why i hated it so much..
Today, i dint get to go for the LM trip which i really wanted to go...
but once again i choose KRS over it.
Of cousre is because of some Ex-seniors that came back which I really like also thats y i chose KRS over LM...
Till now, i still cant get over it & still feel depress when i think of it...

Yay...I went and donate 300ml of blood today..
haha
At first really damn scary...Also dunno where did i get the courage ti donate blood...
When i saw the needle so big, i wanted to run away aldi.. hehe
but in the end, actualy i think not as pain as i expected it to be...
Although there was still some pain when they prick my finger and when they inject dunno what(hehe), but I think its still ok and boleh tahan...
compare to those ppl suffering, its nothing.

YAY!!!
the camp was fun...
The only thing is that i did not get a chance to get up the gajet tower...sob sob...
overall this camp was a succes,keep up the good work my juniors,I'm sure u"ll be a great leader someday...
Gathering together in camps with ex seniors was really fun & happy...
V talk n share with each others our stuff n of course tease ppl n lena tease back too...haha...
I love all my seniors in KRS n really hope that v can always have tis kinda gathering someday again too...